Just another rant


Do you know that Chuck Norris once threw a grenade, and fifty people died. Then the grenade exploded.

A Chuck Norris venture

In an attempt to be more like Chuck Norris I relaxed my hair.(another failed attempt)

#np Kukere – Iyanya

*plugs earphones to laptop..too loud..unplugs earphones..too loud..stops music*

This is probably going to be my first real rant on this blog. I said probably because I’m just scribbling as usual and I don’t know how this would turn out. Ok, so this week has been so last week (today is Monday shey?) was weird and lonely. I was phoneless (yeah, my precious Adaora, after six months of good times decided to leave me for the warmth of another) and that sort of shuts you off from the rest of the world. No music, no constant internet connection, no nothing. Just me and Jack, my trusty Nokia torchlight phone. I was sad I tell you, sad, very sad. I was so sad, I watched a Nollywood movie.

So sad, I watched Legend of the Seeker again.

“No, you did not..”
“Yes he did”
“……….”

Anyway, like a bawse, I kick-started my grind and got my humour back, and it was like everything was moving smooth again. Then Drizzy hit Breezy..like an Omota.

How did the fight start?

“We found love – Rihanna” was playing on the big screen TV (trust me, this is from an inside source) and Drake said: “That nigga don’t even look like Chris”

Then:

Chris: “He does!!”
Drake: “DOES NOT!!”

So CB said: “Pass the bottle juh! (he had been watching Muina of recent), and Drake passed it.

*now playing “Mu bottle ye wa – 4th Republic*

Youths these days..smh

Anyway, the events saddened me sha, like, Ri-ri will be chilling and two of my faves are throwing bottles at each other. And now, (according to my source) she has her eyes set on Chris Martin (lead vocalist, Coldplay for the uninformed), what does she want with him sef? Abeg he is married oh! to Gwyneth paltrow (from Iron man and The Avengers ) for that matter, chick don’t take no shii.. But what does she want with Chrises sef? Are Chrises that hot? What is it about a Chris that just attracts hot, rich celebrities? I think we should get to the bottom of this matter! It’s no longer funny!! *Drivers license with name: ‘Chris Aneni’ falls out of pocket*

 

So I paid a visit to Sirkastiq’s blog and read the zoning uhm…zones on there. Combined with the iinsight being passed down by renowned Professor Xavier (no, not the X-men version), I figured out that once again, I have been zoned into a completely novel zone. The story zone. Yes! You know yourselves! I would not mention names, but you Dinma and you Ify that have zoned me to story zone, God is watching you! All of you that remember me only for stories, the day I will get serious writer’s block ehn, it will over you!*breathing heavily* what rubbish! Getting me all agitated*sips Hollandia*

Been there…
The lies we let ourselves believe..been here too

So you know those myths of how when you’re sneezing it means someone is talking about you? It is true oh! Every single time I have sneezed in the past week, someone has been talking about me. Which is quite worrying right now, considering that I am sneezing as I write this, and the time is 12:34am. Every coven and winsh that dares to call my name, Holy Ghooossss…!!! Anyway, it works. And I’m sure you’ve also heard (at least my Aunt has) that if your right palm is itching, it means a lot of money is coming your way.*shrug* I don’t care for such.(˘̯˘ )/`(*secretly dips hand…and leg inside bowl of ‘devil beans’)

So I have run out of stuff to rant about, leave your comments in the box..boxes.

Darris all…

Disclaimer

  • I will not disclose my BreezyDrizzy source
  • ‘Devil beans’ (I do not know the scientific name) causes itching allergies
  • Adaora is…was my phone
  • Been muttering Rihanna’s name for the past hour and uhm..if tomorrow, she uhm..comes down with a bad flu it is not me!

ff on twitter @janus_aneni

Peace.

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Author: Christopher Aneni

Histrionic| Creator| god.

36 thoughts on “Just another rant”

  1. Christopher Oare Aneni!so ’tis ‎​♍γ name ƔѻƱ haff use τ̅☺ rant abi?…issorai,God Dεγ.infact ‎​i tink ‎​i’ld let ‎​♍γ coven pipo handle dis *rubs chin in deep tots*.Anywaz,ιτ was nyc $ reli hilarious….thumbs up!

    Like

  2. Lwkmd…. Dis piece is damn funny,U̶̲̥̅̊ berra start sleepn @ nyt or mayb dats wen wot eva inspires U̶̲̥̅̊ 2 write creeps in.Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩d̶̲̥̅̊ U̶̲̥̅̊ a̶̲̥̅̊я̲̅ε̲̣̣̣̥ a CHRIS!!!

    Like

  3. Wait oh!!! So, I remember u 4 only story zone? @least I remember u…how about those that don’t remember me…e.g…U!!! Anyways, I’m wiv Dinma on d coven marra…thou shall sneeze all d days of thy life, cos from now henceforth, Christopher Oare Aneni shall never leave my lips…so help me…

    Like

  4. If u were not my guy, I wud av charged u 4 dis tym, but since u R my guy, use ya mind and pay me, it will cost *sniffs* , jst use ya mind and if u dnt use ya As*

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  5. LOL!!!!!Writers can rant 4 d whole of africa sha..lol..Really funny,ur funniest piece till date..n abt d sneezing,i think u hv catarrh.ur nt dat hot dat pple wld alwyz b ehm talkin bout u *nods head…Lol!!!!!#okbye
    I really really liked it,on a scale of 1-10 wld give u a 9:-).U shld rant more often!Lol

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  6. When I’m reading any kind of writing, I’m out in search of 1) an original voice and concept in general, 2) a narrative that does more than give me body, conclusion and introduction (o sorry, what order were those in again?), and most-of-all 3) a means by which every writing criteria I’ve given here, and any and/or every rule ever taught us in English, Literature and Logic classes might be plausibly broken, if not Boko Haram’d whole.

    What’s more to say?
    Dude! You brought it gooooood!!!

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  7. Nice one dude. U kept my mouth open all thru, i wonda how aw many i renderd homeles nd made tenants. 4 d sneezin wel…
    Aw u de?

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  8. Nice. Beta go save ursef 4rm d cold not they dream say na so u popular. Take smtin 4 ur cold u re probably allergic to the socalled hotness of the chrises. Try piriton or actife or u can stop at Chris B. I know he specialises in hitting women but I’m sure he can find a cure 4 ur hotness and allergy. Afterall he wud be helping a brother out “winks”

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  9. This was one great ride Janus…u see d wit&humor iv bn talking makes “u…u”..nice to find it unleashed here avatar state kind…
    Totally enjoyd maself….nt a dull moment@all….&i blv frm d comments ds myt as well b ur best post so far…tell u what….cs I liked it….I shall…nay….bcs I L♥√عd it I shall BC ur link (my first bc sinz january) ….
    PS»I am the Xavier…*acheew*…who calld my..oh well…*blushes*

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  10. Į̸̸̨ think į̸̸̨ may have been the first person to read this post,it made m̶̲̥̅ƹ click on my blog as į̸̸̨ thought while smiling to myself;į̸̸̨ should write something down. Well,really funny ranting. Well done

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  11. =))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​=)) ​=))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​=)). At the part where he secretly dips hand into devil’s beans nice one.
    I received this blog from xavia…

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  12. CHRIS, ERMMM…SIMPLY PUT! I DO NOT COMPLETELY READ BLOGS OFTEN, BUT THIS ONE KEPT ME .QUITE GLUED…WHILE I MIGHT HAVE LET OUT A FEW LAUGHS THAT WOKE UP THE ‘ROOMIES’ I MUST SAY….NICE PIECE MAN!

    Like

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