Forth Eorlingas!

The title comes from one of my all-time favorite movies; The Lord of the Rings. And it bears no significance whatsoever to this post.

This post should not count as a rant. If anything, let it sound more like a dirge. (Dirge = a song of mourning or lament).

Anyways, I’ll be heading to camp tomorrow. Yes oh! NYSC camp, GOD has done it! When the Enemy said I would not go for Camp, Chineke said it! I must go! Biko, help me koro Jesus aka!

No, I will still not date an Ibo girl.

I remember the day I wrote the PUME for Uniben. I had been having terrible ‘visions’ all through that week. You know, the dark kind, all full of smog, and blood and death. So, naturally, as a very observant guy, I realised that the good LORD was trying to inform me that I would die on my way to the exam hall or venue or place or whatever. So I stopped reading, there was no point na, I was gonna die anyways, so why bother. On the day of the exam, my Tati, our ever vigilant prayer warrior and my fave Aunt, kabashed over the exam, examiners, the paper, my pencil etc. remaining small, I would have carried an oil-soaked pen to the hall that day. As it was, only my forehead was uhm…  -____-

Anyway, while my Tati prayed, I kept thinking of how I was gonna die: you know, if it would be fast or slow; if my life would flash before my eyes in slow-mo or fast play etc. You know, you have to think of these things.

It rained that morning, so it was obvious there was going to be a big time traffic jam at the main gate, so my mum offered to drive me through the by-pass so we could avoid the jam. (jam= go slow).

There we were, speeding down the smooth, slick roads, doing 120km/h, when the car skid.

Well, GOD keeps his children, and my mum is Jason Statham in a hairnet. Sharply, she righted the car and kept speeding!

Mum: “These my tyres are completely worn”

Me: !!

At that moment, I realised my dream was about to come to pass. So, in an utter show of love and total abandon of self-preservation (self-preservation = not fighting with Bini girls), I decided to ensure I die alone. So it was that I grabbed the door handle, and prepared to launch myself out the door if the car should skid again. Better I jump out and die, and let Death be satisfied, than to take my precious Mama with me.

This was five years ago, and the car never skid again…

…until I drove it.

But that’s a tale for another post.

Well, today, I have reached another stepping stone, so to speak, and as it was not to long ago, I am torn by waves of trepidation. (Trepidation = CB’s thoughts as the Drake bottle flew closer). Like some poltergeist on steroids, the specter of something bad just seems to hang in the offing. But someburry say, GOD dey!

*crickets*

(¬_¬)

Mscheew..*closes laptop and walks away*

*comes back to publish post, and walks away again* (˘̯˘ )

Disclaimer

• I can end a post any way I like
• No offence to Bini and Ibo gehs..

ff on twitter @janus_aneni

Peace.