Tag: devil beans

Do you know that Chuck Norris once threw a grenade, and fifty people died. Then the grenade exploded.

In an attempt to be more like Chuck Norris I relaxed my hair.(another failed attempt)

#np Kukere – Iyanya

*plugs earphones to laptop..too loud..unplugs earphones..too loud..stops music*

This is probably going to be my first real rant on this blog. I said probably because I’m just scribbling as usual and I don’t know how this would turn out. Ok, so this week has been so last week (today is Monday shey?) was weird and lonely. I was phoneless (yeah, my precious Adaora, after six months of good times decided to leave me for the warmth of another) and that sort of shuts you off from the rest of the world. No music, no constant internet connection, no nothing. Just me and Jack, my trusty Nokia torchlight phone. I was sad I tell you, sad, very sad. I was so sad, I watched a Nollywood movie.

So sad, I watched Legend of the Seeker again.

Anyway, like a bawse, I kick-started my grind and got my humour back, and it was like everything was moving smooth again. Then Drizzy hit Breezy..like an Omota.

How did the fight start?

“We found love – Rihanna” was playing on the big screen TV (trust me, this is from an inside source) and Drake said: “That nigga don’t even look like Chris”

Then:

So CB said: “Pass the bottle juh! (he had been watching Muina of recent), and Drake passed it.

*now playing “Mu bottle ye wa – 4th Republic*

Anyway, the events saddened me sha, like, Ri-ri will be chilling and two of my faves are throwing bottles at each other. And now, (according to my source) she has her eyes set on Chris Martin (lead vocalist, Coldplay for the uninformed), what does she want with him sef? Abeg he is married oh! to Gwyneth paltrow (from Iron man and The Avengers ) for that matter, chick don’t take no shii.. But what does she want with Chrises sef? Are Chrises that hot? What is it about a Chris that just attracts hot, rich celebrities? I think we should get to the bottom of this matter! It’s no longer funny!! *Drivers license with name: ‘Chris Aneni’ falls out of pocket*

 

So I paid a visit to Sirkastiq’s blog and read the zoning uhm…zones on there. Combined with the iinsight being passed down by renowned Professor Xavier (no, not the X-men version), I figured out that once again, I have been zoned into a completely novel zone. The story zone. Yes! You know yourselves! I would not mention names, but you Dinma and you Ify that have zoned me to story zone, God is watching you! All of you that remember me only for stories, the day I will get serious writer’s block ehn, it will over you!*breathing heavily* what rubbish! Getting me all agitated*sips Hollandia*

So you know those myths of how when you’re sneezing it means someone is talking about you? It is true oh! Every single time I have sneezed in the past week, someone has been talking about me. Which is quite worrying right now, considering that I am sneezing as I write this, and the time is 12:34am. Every coven and winsh that dares to call my name, Holy Ghooossss…!!! Anyway, it works. And I’m sure you’ve also heard (at least my Aunt has) that if your right palm is itching, it means a lot of money is coming your way.*shrug* I don’t care for such.(˘̯˘ )/`(*secretly dips hand…and leg inside bowl of ‘devil beans’)

So I have run out of stuff to rant about, leave your comments in the box..boxes.

Darris all…

Disclaimer

• I will not disclose my BreezyDrizzy source
• ‘Devil beans’ (I do not know the scientific name) causes itching allergies
• Adaora is…was my phone
• Been muttering Rihanna’s name for the past hour and uhm..if tomorrow, she uhm..comes down with a bad flu it is not me!

ff on twitter @janus_aneni

Peace.