How I nearly got killed because of a sugar mummy in Port Harcourt

Sugar mummies in Port Harcourt are a serious thing. A really serious thing. It has not been one time or twice that I have been propositioned. There is a lurid satisfaction that comes with being the object of sexual attraction of someone 15-20 years older than you. Anyway, this is one of my stories of what happened.

When I first came to Port Harcourt four years ago, I was young, bright-eyed and hungry. I had come from my little town in Benin City and I was determined to make sure I made money in Port Harcourt before I headed back. Very quickly, one of the first things I did was to start a business. I registered a company with the CAC and started searching for clients everywhere I could.

One day while talking business with a potential client who was the owner of a beauty salon in GRA Phase 2, I was called over to a lady who was getting her hair braided. She asked me what I did and then gave me her business card and told me to call her the next day. I was overjoyed. It seemed like all my dreams were about to come true. Not only had I been able to meet a potential client, I was also going to get a second one. I was so happy.

As soon as I got home, I called the lady. She quickly told me to call her later and sent me a text message to meet her the following day at a restaurant in GRA. I was so excited. I spent the whole night writing and rewriting proposals I will present to her. When power went, I ran outside and bought a few litres of petrol to run my generator so I could print out enough proposals for our meeting. Continue reading “How I nearly got killed because of a sugar mummy in Port Harcourt”

My Coke and Fanta Gentleman

Sometimes

Just sometimes

I wish Adebayo drank

Just a little bit

so that when he kisses me

I would drink from his lips

and swallow his spit more eagerly

rather than lift a bottle

of Smirn-Off or Redd’s or Kagor

to my waiting mouth.

 

I wish Adebayo drank

Even if only a little bit

so that when we shake the bed

the flush on my skin would be redder

the bites on his shoulder deeper

and the clench of his cheeks tighter.

 

But most times, it’s okay

I can drink for us

I will drink for me and my Coke and Fanta gentleman.20160314_210654

Changing for Enore 01

The reflection holds power over the actual. Breaking the habit is more about what is given back to you than about what you do to destroy it. The luckiest thing that would happen to you is finding that person who would reflect a different image and thus give you the chance to break away.

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The first time is never the last time

turning and cycling,

a revolving door fitted in with mirrors,

the same event reoccurring in rapid successions of

mobile static reflections.

Continue reading “Changing for Enore 01”

The Nice and Similar Travails of Asemota Jane

Too be very honest, this story is not completely based off a true one. The operative word here is completely. However, it is really a cliched, Evil Irumi kind guy meets the Beauty type. You do know the story of the Irumi right? The one where the really handsome guy comes to marry the girl with all the money and then halfway on the way to the guy’s house, she discovers he is actually a monster with his face at the back of his head and she regrets rejecting the other suitors? Basically, the original African story from where Shakespeare’s modified Taming of the Shrew appeared from. Okay, too long an intro. Just read will you…

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The Nice and Similar Travails of Asemota Jane

When she first met Eric she had been sitting at the side of a pool in Sapele. It was a sunny day and she and her friends had decided to come out to play. It wasn’t often that the sun decided to shine in Sapele and whenever it did, everybody came out. Everybody young and carefree that is, most of those who did not care or had no friends stayed in anyway. The truly unfortunate thing when she thought back to that day was that she had been alone. Perhaps if she had been with her friends, a fully clustered bevy of buzzing bees, the young men would not have come to her. But as it was, they did, and for her, that is how most of the story began.

Continue reading “The Nice and Similar Travails of Asemota Jane”

Zelophehad’s seed

So, I was reading the Bible in church the other day – yes, I do study, and I sorta stumbled on this. And a story grew. Enjoy…

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Zelophehad’s seed

Her father stood at the summit of the mountain, his arms spread out as though to fly or to catch a draft of the wind. The base wind tore at his robes, the air smoky and dense with ash and flinty sparks. At the foot of the mountain a fire seemed to rage, the reddish glow a foreboding backdrop to the man who stood with arms outspread.

“No…” she breathed as she ran towards him, the mountain seeming to become steeper with each step. Below she could hear the sound of jubilation, raucous laughter, the shadows of what seemed as waving arms all reaching for her father. Zelophehad grinned in the light of the flames below, the tongues dancing in his eyes, then he stepped off the edge of the mountain, his robes flapping wildly as he fell.

“Noooo!” Milcah screamed, her hands clutching the empty air as she reached for her father, to see him fall into the fiery darkness, and jolted awake.

It was dark. Looking through the flaps of her tent, she could see the sky, billions of lights danced across the dark blue floor of the firmament, Jehovah’s eyes; the portents of things to come. She got up from her bed, her clothes rustling as she made her way through the mess of pans and skinning knives to the entrance. Standing there, a willowy silhouette, she stared at the night sky and wondered what portent her dream might hold. I wonder how long Father has to foray this time. When would he come home?

Then she heard the scream.

*****

Mahlah held the rabbit by the ears and slipping the knife into the flesh at the throat, skinned the entire animal in one cut. She dropped the skin into the bowl, and began to dissect the rabbit to remove the entrails. On the floor beside her was a narrow tipped, red fletched arrow, one of Noah’s. Several other animals lay on the dirt beside her, their eyes almost lifelike that one would almost believe they lived, but for the arrows sticking out of their throats. Thank Jehovah for Noah’s aim, and the extra food. Noah was easily one of the best shots among the people, everyone knew her aim was uncanny. Not once had she put many a boy to shame in an archery contest, her arrows finding mark in whatever she set her sights on. Oh, that she would find a man soon. Already she was eighteen.

The knife twisted through Mahlah’s fingers, her mind absent, yet her fingers deftly skinning the rabbits in expert strokes that broke no blood. Strange how she should be bemoaning Noah’s insistence that the time had not come to find or even be found by a man. She herself was to be twenty come next Hannukah and yet to be joined before the tabernacle. Though for her, it wasn’t a matter of decision, circumstances beyond her control had dictated it so. She thought of Obed then, and that fateful night as he stole into her tent, his scent filling the small space. She had awoken to his smell, the male virility that poured off him, washing wave over wave upon her desire. Her nostrils had flared, drinking him in, as she reached for his body, her body taut and stiffened peaks of need. Oh, how she had wanted him that day. The knife slid into the furrows of the last rabbit’s neck. But for the scream. Mahlah shook her head. And now, she could not marry. Not anytime soon.

It had been four months now and Obed rarely came back to camp, always out scouting the Promised. She knew he avoided her. Mahlah, put the skin into the bowl.

*****

Tirzah sat upon a rock overlooking the camp. It was a favourite spot of most of the teenagers. The cliff-face of the rock gave a birds-eye view of the entire camp; tents and tents stretching to the lip where the earth kissed the sun. At night with the sky dotted with light, and one could see clearly through the crisp desert air, the beauty of Jehovah in the pillar of fire that rose into the sky. Oh hallelujah! Those were the best times. The camp lights flickering below her, the people moving about like gaily arrayed ants, above the angels flitting about the stars making them twinkle and sparkle, and from her father’s harp sweet melodies even the LORD could not ignore. Then they would dance, light feet skipping on the rocks, Zelophehad was the nimblest of men, his feet barely touching the floor as he twirled and spun, dancing from rock to rock. Tirzah blinked back tears. She said she wouldn’t cry again.

“Look! There she is, the sinner! Daughter of a sinner!”

Tirzah turned to see the boys as they walked towards her. It was Becher and Tahen and their brothers.

“Crying again? Your father was an evil man, perhaps your tears might save your own soul,” laughed Becher.

Tirzah got down from the rock, her back stiff as she tried to ignore them and walk away.

“Look! She is running,” it was Tahen. “He has to be in hell now. Only the souls of those whose hearts are pure may go to paradise. But those the ground swallows up are doomed forever. Cursed!”

Tirzah whirled, her plaited queue flying as she spoke. “You are an ugly fool, Tahen, and all your brothers. My father may be dead, but better than yours. Cursed is the man who lies with an animal, and surely your mother must be a pig because that snout you have can belong to none less ugly.”

Tahen reddened, his face contorting into a snarl as he lunged for her. Smoothly, she sidestepped to her left, her right hand reaching to smack the back of his head almost playfully as he sailed into the dust.

“I may be wrong,” she danced on the balls of her feet. “She may be a clumsy goat after all. Who else would fall for an oaf such as your father?”

The other brothers, all growling now, surrounded her, fanning into a semi-circle pushing her backwards towards a large rock that jutted out of the ground. Tirzah backed up. They were all larger than she was, but she wasn’t scared. Dan, Tahen’s older brother, brought out a switch, his evil face in a grin. That was when she knew they must have planned it before coming. Tirzah backed away some more, her heart beginning to race now. Maybe she had pushed them too far. Going into a crouch; all her weight on her left leg which she kept backwards, she kept her right foot forward and ready to be lashed out. Tirzah drew up her dress, exposing toned thighs the colour of warm caramel. Maybe she could take them, they were only seven. At that moment, an arrow whistled through the air and thudded firmly into the ground mere inches from Dan’s toe, the red feather fletching waving in the breeze.

“Don’t you think seven is a bit too much for one girl,” her older sister’s voice drawled.

Tirzah glanced up at the rock behind her, grinning widely. Noah sat there carelessly, a man’s breeches showing from underneath her dress as she swung her legs over the edge, another arrow already nocked almost lazily to the bow.

*****

“You shouldn’t tease them so,” said Noah as they walked home, the line of sullen boys in the distance ahead of them.

“And you should teach me how to shoot, then I may not need to,” replied her spitting image of a younger sister.

Noah was beautiful in a dusky Midianese way, her olive green eyes wide and yet flinty, the long lashes giving them a smoky luster set off by the sensuousness of her lips. She was laughing now, her long limbs swinging as she skipped down the side of the mountain back to the camp.

“Father and I have already taught you Ramses fist, what more would you learn?”

“Milcah says it is more of a dance than an art of fighting”

“With Milcah, everything is a dance or a dream,” replied Noah.

“What has Milcah done now?” asked Hoglah, appearing suddenly from behind a rock outcropping, a basket of herbs under her arm. “And what have you girls done to the band of crybabies I saw walk past me cursing deeper than an army of Amalekites?”

The two other sisters, each a copy of the other, burst out laughing.

*****

“What are Shemida’s men doing here?” queried Noah furiously as she burst into her sister’s tent, her olive eyes flashing angrily. Mahlah silenced her with a look. Noah fell silent, and went to stand behind her sister. The five of them; Mahlah, Noah, Milcah, Hoglah and Tirzah, all stood hands clasped in front of them and watched the man sitting before them being attended by six others in leather jerkins, heavy wooden cudgels in their belts.

Shemida looked up from the ledger being read to him, “Ah, my daughter Noah. Good, you are all here.”

“Yes we are, now get on with it.”

Noah started, staring at Mahlah. She had never heard such intensity in her older sister’s voice. That was usually her line. Suddenly she was afraid, whatever would make Mahlah so angry must be really serious.

Shemida paused for a second, his ingratiating grin never leaving his face. “Your father has been dead four months now, may his soul find embrace in the bosom of our father Abraham, and I have allowed you enough time to put your things together. According to the law, since he had no sons, all that he had, including you girls now belongs to me,” he licked his wet lips. “I have decided to take possession after the tabernacle meeting tomorrow, where I will make my intention known to the people. So do well to…”

“No! Never! You will never!” spat Noah. “Our father did no wrong! He never cursed GOD! He was not swallowed up!”

“It is the law child,” smiled Shemida as he sauntered out, his men in tow.

Milcah collapsed on the chair, her head in her hands. Her two younger sisters sat at her feet, eyes all turned to Mahlah. Noah opened her mouth to speak, but Mahlah raised up a finger. “Milcah, go make sure they’ve all gone, then come back. I have a plan.”

*****

Eran crouched in the olive basket, his ears trained to detect the slightest sound. He had watched from the shadows as the little Zelophehad girl scouted the perimeter of their tent, then doubled on her to sneak into the basket. Heard when she announced triumphantly that there was no one about. Eran giggled to himself. No one indeed. Everyone knew who was the lightest footpad in all the people; trained by Caleb himself. He giggled again and listened to hear even further. They were hatching a plan just as Shemida had thought. Silly girls. Eran had to marvel at their bravery though, he almost felt sad for what Shemida would do to them.

*****

The tabernacle of the Ark of Jehovah stood in the middle of the camp, the other dwellings radiating from it for miles around. It was a large structure, the huge tent which housed the ark surrounded by heavy wood pillars which fenced off an area around it within which the white-robed priest and blue sashed Levites could be seen moving. It was the law, upon a certain day, all were to gather at the tabernacle as they made their offerings unto Jehovah and asked for forgiveness of their sins and received instructions on what to do next. Shemida gave his orders quickly to his men, each of them placing a hand on the ram as they filed away. There would be no sin and whatever might be committed, the ceremony started soon and once the priest took the ram, their sins would be absolved as the ram was slain, and with it all ties to the Zelophehad line cut from the world. He could remember his joy that night when the scream had woken almost the whole camp; Zelophehad under all those rocks, not much more than his arms the only things showing.

“He has been swallowed up!” he had screamed too, first in genuine shock, then in earnest as he realized what that would mean.

The Hebrew man drew his kaffiyeh across his mouth as a wind blew from the west kicking dust and sand. Oh, he could not wait to leave this godforsaken desert and live in a city again. It had been forty years now, and though he remembered little of Egypt, he had been little more than a child at the Passover, but it had to be better there. Oh, look what the girls were making him think. Jehovah forgive me. He slapped the head of the ram. Take my sin. He would not be swallowed up.

Take my sin.

*****

Hoglah walked in between the tents, through the back alleyways of the camp. Mahlah’s instructions had been explicit. For no reason were they to walk in the thoroughfare where they would be seen by all. As they made their way to the tabernacle, they would each go singly through the side ways in the shadowy corners, easy prey for those who would attack them. Or so it would seem.

Hoglah could understand. She had understood Mahlah’s motives without explanation, like Noah with her warrior’s mind, Hoglah thought herself to be adept with strategy. It had been their father’s bane to have no sons, but daughters. After their mother died, not long after the birth of Tirzah, he had begun to train them in the arts of the warriors and priests, and also feminine arts of music and dance, for Zelophehad had been a skilled dancer. Each of them could stalk a rabbit up to two paces, and could skin a bear if they had to, and kill a man when the occasion called for it. Her father, their dear father, all he had ever asked in return for the doting he showered, was obedience. Simple obedience. And that was where Hoglah had failed.

“Go get the herbs Hoglah.”

But she had wanted to play with her friends. It wasn’t like she couldn’t get the herbs and return. She had been stubborn. Disobedient. She hadn’t gone. And then there was no light left, and father had climbed the cliff face alone in the dark, so dark he hadn’t seen the crumbling handhold he had hewn in himself so long ago. So dark he didn’t see the fissure that had been growing in the rock. So late had he been climbing, so angry had he been at his stubborn daughter, it had been too late when he saw. And father fell, the landslide toppling rocks upon him, one after another, as his screams rent the night. Cursed is he who the land swallows. But it was the mountain who fell on father. And now, she would pick herbs all the time, for all who needed, all who asked.

Out of the shadows of one of the tents a figure leapt out, a tall man in leather, holding a cudgel and a wicked-looking knife. “Now girl, all you have to do is go back home, and I would not hurt you,” the man smiled.

Hoglah just kept walking towards him. The man lifted his cudgel to strike her. Moving with the swiftness of a cobra, she darted under his arm, the skinning knife flashing out from under her basket of herbs, striking him under his right arm. Twisting around his back, she tore the sharp knife across his back, ripping open leather, flesh and sinew. The man arched his back and neck as the beginnings of a scream began in his chest. Hoglah slit his throat from behind.

She was walking away, knife once more hidden in her basket of leaves when his knee thudded to the ground, his throat a gurgling mess.

“Make sure they attack you first,” Mahlah had said.

*****

Tirzah slid between his legs, her knees scraping the dirt, and reached upwards as her knife sliced off his manhood. The man made to scream as Milcah leapt into the air, the flat of her fingers slamming into his throat paralyzing it in an Anubis strike. The man’s face went blue as he suffocated on the scream of pain his lungs tried to force upwards through the constricted trachea.

Across the tents to their left, the people thronged on the thoroughfare, none looked in their direction.

“Make sure they make no sound, we will not call for attention,” Mahlah had said.

*****

Noah danced.

The five men came at a rush, their eyes furious, mouths open in silent yells. Maybe someone had told them about their fallen comrades. Good. They were afraid. Slipping an arrow out of the quiver strapped to her side, she gripped it in her hand like a dagger and waited. The first man came and she lashed out with her right foot, kicking him to the side, her left arm blocking the thrust of the second man, the arrow in her hand plunging into his neck. She retrieved the arrow, already moving before the blood spurted. She sidestepped the next blow, got under the arm of the attacker and using her shoulder, she broke it and twisted around to stab at his neck from the other side, before dancing in again.

“Whatever happens, leave them dead,” Mahlah had said.

*****

Mahlah walked into the congregation, her head bowed. The black shawl she wrapped around her head doing little to hide the determination in her eyes. Behind her, she led a small goat, the neck bound with sacrificial hempen. Two men dislodged themselves from the crowd and came at her from both sides. Giving no indication that she had seen them until one of the men made to grab her arm, she twisted her hand suddenly like a snake, her nails digging into the man’s flesh as she pulled him close. The force of the pull jerked him downwards and her knee caught him at the underside of his throat in a sickening crunch. The other fellow produced a knife. She dodged his thrust, leaning backwards, letting the knife hand sail in front of her. Then using her left knee to the small of his back, propelled him forward and yanking on his knife hand, plunged his knife into his throat. The man fell.

The crowd scattered, some running to the side, most yelling for Moses. Mahlah stood still as a loose circle of space opened up around her. She stood still even as her sisters joined her and the soldiers surrounded them, spears leveled at the ready. Her sisters seemed uninjured, though their clothes were bloodied and Hoglah was without her bag of leaves. All the while she had not let go of her goat. Moses stood before them, his eyes an angry white storm. “What have you done?” his voice was thunder.

“We have committed no sin here,” answered Mahlah, her voice cool. “We were attacked by men who would kill us and steal from us, would we not defend ourselves? These men were hired by him!” she pointed at Shemida, who had been trying to disappear into the throng. “And we have brought a sacrifice to plead for mercy.”

One of the soldiers, the son of Nun, grabbed Shemida out of the crowd and threw him at Moses’ feet. The white bearded leader ignored the pleading man. Moses glared at them for what seemed to be an eternity, then he gestured for Eleazar the priest to collect the goat.

“We also come with a grievance before the LORD, and we shall not enter the tabernacle to say it,” added Mahlah.

Moses raised a white eyebrow.

From the fourth book of Moses also known as the Book of Numbers, what comes next is found in chapter 27 verses 1 – 10.

Disclaimer

  • This is a work of fiction, all characters however are based on actual persons though dead, as recorded by the Bible
  • All events may or may not have occurred however, depending on if one would attribute the source of my inspiration to the Holy Spirit of GOD
  • I have never been accused of feminism, and in fact may be the most chauvinistic man alive

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GOD bless you, and GOD bless Nigeria. Peace.

Maybe a Rubberband story

First off, no, it is not a true story. I was ehm..researching some stuff and err..I discovered something. Anyway, it was worthy of a story so..

Secondly, it’s the Nigerian Blog Awards, and ehm…a bit late, but I would love to appeal to all of you dear and beloved readers to nominate us! Scroll down the page for the direct link to nominate! Thankee very nicely! 😀

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Maybe a rubber band story Ah whatever.. Maybe A Rubber band story.

You go tie am with rubberband...”

“Hehe..are you serious?”

“Yes na! YOU GO TIE AM WIT’ RUBBERBAN’!

“Is that what you do?”

“Yes na! See, e even dey help you two ways..”

Femi looked incredulously at his friend. They were sitting on a bench in front of his compound watching the day as it crept closer towards sunset. And as is common when young men in their early twenties sit together, the conversation had gradually drifted to girls and sex.

“Let me tell you something,” Ade, his friend was saying. “I’ve been in this situations many times. These days, condoms are not properly manufactured. They no longer cover the entire penis. So what do you do?”

Femi was tempted to remark on the fact that perhaps, as he had grown up until ‘these days’ maybe, the size of his phallus had grown also, and perhaps the inability for the condom to completely cover his penis didn’t depend on the manufacturers. But he thought better of it.

The topic at hand was quite simple. Femi had been narrating a tale, an unfortunate event that had occurred to him just a few days ago.

Ada had come to visit. For the first time, after many failed and broken promises, she had arrived at his front door. As is customary with such assignations, he had bought her a plate of fried rice and chicken from a quite reputable eatery, stocked his fridge with every kind of suitable drink, and then placed a six-roll of condoms in the bedside drawer.

The conversation had been pleasant, and he had been at his most hospitable, gregarious and seductive. Soon she was moaning under his kisses while he fished about in the near darkness for the packets of polyurethane that ensured impervious ecstasy. As usual, after rolling it up, the rubber came up, or down, only halfway.

Femi slipped in nevertheless. Or, he tried to slip in, and despite having no claim to her virtue, found his passage into Ada to be not only decidedly furry, but also quite incommodious. But he was a man of action, and restrictions be damned, he went on.

Friction, physics and the natural laws of adhesion and cohesion came in to play, and while Femi hammered, all thoughts to the wind, he came to realise that the slip of impregnability that lay between himself and Ada’s innards was quite literally rubbing off.

But with the drums of perseverance roaring, quite indulgently, in his ears and varying sorts of madness pulsing through his veins, he kept on, pushing and pulling, ramming harder and harder, noting with amazing clarity and as yet unconcerned mien that the passage was suddenly, infinitely more pleasurable, that every sensation was utterly more vivid. And a nagging thought at the back of his mind that perhaps, something was amiss.

Then Ada went from, “Oh..ahh..” and the names of various persons and phrases from her native tongue to, “Ouch! Stop!”

And Femi did, or at least slowed, confusion and disorientation fighting a battle with lust upon his face.

“You’re hurting me!” she screamed, not quite loudly, but loudly enough. Perhaps insistently is a better word.

And so, Femi pulled out, and realised to his shock that he was bare. Not the sense of being unclothed or the cool consciousness of the cold air against his exposed buttocks made him note this; rather it was the simple absence of the condom from his erect member. Startled, his eyes searched the dishevelled sheets for the yellow piece of rubber that would confirm his sanity, but he could not find it. In those seconds, his thoughts went from amazed to bewildered to scared.

Again, Ada said, “I’m hurting.”

In that instant, comprehension descended like the beam of a high-powered halogen bulb.

“Can you open your legs a bit?” he ventured tentatively, his penis now a shrivelled piece of flesh.

And therein began the longest and weirdest procedure he ever [and he hoped, ever will] had to perform. After explaining to an astonished and almost enraged Ada, he dipped his index and middle fingers into the cavern which formed her centre. A place which was, for quite obvious reasons, now shrivelled in size and a dry as the crook of an elbow. He began to probe as gently as he could. Finally, thanking his stars, his long fingers and quite ironically, his Creator [Me, of course], he felt the polyurethane constitution of the condom deep within her.

Slowly, in order not to hurt Ada, who was resting on her elbows, her head angled over her waist, trying impatiently to peer into herself, he eased the rubber towards the opening. All the while, he cursed at his fate, the makers of condoms worldwide and thought about how he could remedy the failed situation with Ada. With these thoughts rattling about feverishly in his brain, it was hardly surprising that he managed to lose his hold on the condom more than a few times, having to remove and reinsert his fingers all the way into the female, again and again. It also did not help that quite amazingly; the tunnel began to secrete moisture afresh, resulting in his losing hold more and more often. It did help though that Ada no longer peered over his shoulders, but instead lay almost motionless, her head lolled to a side, her chest heaving in panting spasms.

Finally, after maybe fifteen minutes of gradual pulling and prodding, he had the condom out. Both of them examined the material for signs of blood or any other suspicious fluid or tissue. There was none. Ada whereupon left his house, after dressing up and consigning the rubber to the toilet of course, her ears deaf to his entreaties, apologies, jokes and apparent concern for the pains in his testicles.

So it was that his friend, Ade, visited the next week and while the discussion drifted on a myriad of topics, he asked:

“How far Ada?”

Wherewith this story was told and his friend had exclaimed:

You go tie am wit’ rubberban’!”

Initially, in compliance with the naïveté his friend constantly accused him of; Femi had assumed Ade wanted him to tie the girl with a rubber band, and he had almost laughed at the apparent attempt to make him laugh. One look at Ade’s face however, stripped him of his mirth and reaffirmed his belief in his friend’s insanity.

“Hehe..” he managed weakly. “Are you serious?”

“Yes na! See, e even dey help you two ways…”

Whereupon Ade explained that in order to prevent a condom from slipping down (or up as it should be), the length (or head) of an erect penis, one had to fasten the open end of the condom with a rubber band!

“E dey also help you preserve your stiffness even if you come quick.”

The evening sun waned in the west, the orange glow disappearing over the top of the building in front of them. On the street, young girls walked by, legs wrapped skin tight in material almost as tight as a condom, or perhaps tighter, Femi corrected himself. He caught himself wondering if he could casually sidle up to one of the girls rub her legs, and watch the material run downwards to her toes.

Those girls wey dey tight wella, na dem dey cause this thing pass. And most of them no dey wet,” Ade went on with his recondite air.

For his part, Femi wondered. He wondered as it struck him at how close they had been to a quite unfortunate complication. What if the condom had stuck deeper into her and a surgical operation had had to have been carried out to save her life? What if the situation had degenerated into a form of Toxic Shock Syndrome? Ah well, no time for that now. His attention was drawn to a figure that approached down the road.

Those people wey dey fuck nyash, e dey happen well well for their side. The condom always dey fall inside. Me I no fit fuck nyash oh!

The figure drew closer. Femi smiled.

Some people even dey lick nyash! Which kind madness be that? Cool down carry your mouth put am for nyash…

“Hi,” said Funke as she stopped in front of the two men, her buxom figure blocking out the rest of the twilight.

“Hi,” smiled Femi as he stood up. “Nice hairdo.”

“Thanks,” came the soft voice. Ade was shocked into silence.

Femi waved a goodbye to his friend as he opened the gate. Ade smiled to himself, his grin widening as he heard:

“Your braids, how d’you hold them up? Rubber band?”

LOL.

(<_< )...
(<_< )…

Disclaimer:

  • Nope. No resemblance to persons living or dead. Though I admit, I do know a buxom Funke.
  • Condoms really do fall into vaginas. Hell, in perhaps 2% of all sexual experiences worldwide.

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Peace to Nigeria.

Ruki’s Desire

What I’m about to write may be a little unusual, but I recently completed Stephen King’s Dark Half  and came out into the bright sunlight to see two sparrows take flight from the roof above my window. So I guess, there is a little George Stark in me right now, and I want to pen.

Ah yes..this contains scenes involving sex, violence and other quite disgusting stuff. For the sqeamish and innocent at heart, please stop readin now.

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“ Are you going to be home tomorrow?” he typed

“Yes”

“Good”

“Why”

“Because I’m coming to fuck you..”

****

Peter was blunt. He was always blunt. It was a privilege afforded tall, handsome men with strong fingers and sensual  eyes. His lips, though full and inviting, were cruel and constantly parted in the most sardonic grins. But men found him sexual and were attracted to the danger he presented. So he used them, used those eyes they were attracted to, and beguiled and betrayed and dumped.

Ruki was shocked and annoyed and secretly pleased. She hadn’t heard from Peter in almost a month, asides a half-hearted “Happy Sunday” chat two weeks ago. And here he was pinging her now, for sex! Well, she had a boyfriend now, as she had informed him two Sundays ago, and he had one too. So leave me alone for gossakes!

But she knew.

She knew she wanted him. Knew deep within her, in that sweltering core that was slowly beginning to moist, that she needed him.

“Gerrawt jor!” she typed. “That’s how you’ll talk and you’ll not show”  That much was true.

He sent a ‘devil smiley’. “Tempt me!”

She grinned, her centre getting wetter, and told herself it was just harmless flirting.

“LOL,” she typed, and sent a ‘batting eyelashes smiley’.

“So, 10:00am?” he typed.

“Haba! Isn’t that too soon? I won’t have bathed even…”

“Better…I want you dirty even..”

She giggled then, and shifted her position, her body was beginning to get that warm feeling. An image coursed through her mind: she and Peter, naked, twisted among the sheets, as she clutched at his back, her centre thrust toward him, her neck arched back in desire.

“LOL..you’re just too horny..” she typed.

As she watched the message deliver. The screen suddenly dissolved to show an incoming call. The caller ID read ‘Nathan’. Inwardly, she groaned in exasperation, as the flow of hormones to her brain cut off suddenly. She thought about ignoring the call. But he’ll only call again. And then he’ll ask questions.

“Hello..?” she answered sullenly. Almost guiltily.

“Hello baby..” her boyfriend replied.

Fifteen minutes later, she ended the call. Her phone beeped with a new message. She checked. Peter.

“I just want you so badly now. You can barely imagine. Or maybe you can..’grin smiley’..wait for me, 10:00am”

And then later, “I’ll bring chocolate..and the pineapple flavoured ones…”

He meant condoms, she thought, with a throb of guilt and an inner warmth spread through her again.

Oh, Peter..

****

Two years ago, she was in 100l, a fresh student, new to school and innocent as a jay-bird in July. It was afternoon and she had been buying a novel from a stand in the shopping complex right beside her Science faculty. Till now, she wasn’t sure if she had been listening subconsciously, or if her ears had suddenly picked up on the sound of a particular word or phrase, but she suddenly wanted to know who the voice belonged to. And when she saw him, her heart gave one of those little flutters.

He wasn’t as tall then, and his features weren’t as chiseled,  but as he stood talking animatedly with his friends: two guys and a girl, about some author he had just read, she was taken. To hear him talk, Ruki found herself wanting the book, wanting his voice, wanting him. These were emotions strange to her then, and for a while she was both excited and puzzled. The girl with him, a skinny thing, kept looking with such rapt attention as Peter talked, her nostrils flared as though to drink in the very scent of him. Ruki found herself getting jealous of the proximity.

As a sharp Sapele girl, to whom slacking is not an option, she called out in her best accent, and asked what novel it was they were talking about. He turned then, dark-brown eyes appraising her quickly; expertly. If he liked what he saw, he gave no sign. But he smiled when she said, she could have heard him from the other side of the campus, with the way he praised the book, and if she bought it and the author was no good, she’ll probably have no choice but to jump naked in a bowl of hot egusi.

“He is that good,” he laughed. His mind probably already imagining her naked, 5’5, narrow-waisted form drenched in oil. The other girl hissed in envy.

She achieved two things that day. One was exchanging numbers with Peter and the other was buying a copy of Janusaneni’s latest bestseller.

It wasn’t till a year after that they first fucked. After that night, she was completely smitten. She bought a new Janusaneni the next day.

Outside, Peter was sarcastic, malevolent and a playful tease. In bed, he was  nothing but a beast. He tore at her, devoured her in ways she thought impossible, leaving her spent and sore and always wanting more each time.

But it was never normal.

One time, he let himself into her room while she was in the bathroom, using his spare key. He then hid beside the bathroom door, waiting for her to come out. As she stepped out, oblivious, clad in only her towel, her shoulders and legs glistening with beads of water, he came up behind her and clamped a hand over her mouth. She nearly fainted from shock. Shoving her against the wall, he tore at her towel. Instinctively, her brain still reeling from the shock, her first reaction was to retrieve her towel and cover her nakedness and she bent over. Without warning, he stuck a finger right into her vagina. She tried to scream then, but his hand was firm over her mouth and all that came out was a muffled cry. Then he spoke in her ears, his voice a harsh whisper.

“I’m going to fuck you Ruki.”

Turning her around, so she faced him, he pinned her to the wall and bit her shoulders. His eyes were wild and crazy.

“Peter, sto..” she tried to say, but his hand was over her mouth again. She could smell her sex on his fingers, and impossibly, crazily, she began to get moist.

Peter? Peter was already naked and ready for action.

****

Are you going to be home?

I’m coming to fuck you!

****

She had had other men. Some were boisterous, some languid and sensual, but none of the experiences, none of the styles could hold a candle to Peter’s. Peter was an animal. There was no conventionality with him.

Once she was on the toilet bowl, taking a shit. They  had just come from this Chinese restaurant, and it was already obvious, from the groans and loud noises erupting from her anus, that any food prepared by a small yellow person was certain to disagree with her.

Suddenly Peter was in the bathroom, naked, his small member, swollen and throbbing.

“What the hell are you..?? Can’t you see I’m in the..!”

“I want to fuck you Ruki.”

And so he had. Right there in the bathroom, her head in the sink, her arms flailing to the sides, dribbles of yellow shit falling from her buttocks to splatter against the white floor tiles. He thrust into her, repeatedly, consistently, for hours it seemed. Till she was lost in a kaleidoscope of colours, and pleasure, and later pain.

He was insatiable.

He was coming tomorrow.

****

The next day, at 10:15am, the knock came on her door. Light and yet, insolent. Like he owned the place.

Peter.

She opened it, and there he was. First time she was seeing him face-to-face in almost a year.

“Hi,” he grinned shyly, his eyes twinkling. “That’s a nice gown. Chocolate?”

She loved him. Of that she was sure. Why she loved him? Why she loved this coarse, very dangerous animal? Of that, she had no idea.

She let him in.

All through the night and early in the morning, she had steeled herself. She was prepared for him. She was prepared to rebuff all his advances. She knew her desire might betray her and for that reason, she had set the stage to detract from such intentions. The curtains were wide open with the bright sunlight streaming in, and playing on her TV was The Hobbit, the most ‘un-sexual’ movie she had. But he made no pass. For all intents and purposes, he was there simply for the movie, and the chat from last night might as well have been typed by a mischievous alter ego. She decided not to bring it up.

They watched the movie, while he lay with his head across her lap, her hands unconsciously stroking his face. They were perhaps fifteen minutes into the movie, chewing on chocolates and laughing, when she suddenly stood up, walked to the door, locked it, and let down the curtains.

“Ah..a cinematic feel eh?” he started.

She straddled him, and kissed him, deeply and fully on his lips. For a second, he seemed to hesitate, and then he was kissing her back, but not in the usual hungry manner. He was kissing her slowly, almost sensually.

What was happening?

But she couldn’t help herself, she wanted him. Had wanted him for so long. Still kissing him, her expert hands flew over his shirt, unsnapping his buttons. In seconds she had his shirt and singlet on the floor. She was already naked. There was nothing underneath her gown.

“Fuck me Peter…”

“Ruki calm down. I…”

“Fuck me dammit!” she was trembling.

She didn’t care if he was in a homosexual relationship. She wanted his body. She always had. She needed that canine ferocity he brought into his lovemaking. Stabbing her nails into his naked chest, she scratched deep red lines on his skin, drawing blood.

Peter roared. Inflamed. Twisting around he slammed her into the bed and slapped her.

Yes..yess.. she moaned.

But still he paused. “Ruki, I shouldn’t have come here today. I just wanted to talk to you that’s all. I really can’t do this anymore.” He got up from the bed and picked his shirt off the floor. Ruki was stunned. Whaaaat?!!

Hell no! She scrambled up from the bed, her heavy breasts swaying, and grabbed his arm. “You wait here! Where are you going?!”

That was when he pushed her.

_____________________________________________________________

If you didn’t look at her head, she seemed to be sleeping. She lay on her left side; her right arm flopped over in front of her. Her head however rested at an unusual angle against the wooden side of the bed, her eyes open and sightless. Peter was stunned.

Oh my God! I’ve killed her! When he pushed her, there hadn’t really been that much force! It was the chocolate! It was the fucking Cadbury wrapper! When she stepped on it , she had slipped and fallen backwards while he looked on. Her head had struck the sharp end of the bed rest where it protruded towards the doorway. The sound it made had been sickening, like the sound of breaking coconut. At first he thought it was an ordinary bump until she slid to the floor with her neck at that angle. Then he realized, she had hit her neck.

He crouched beside her, afraid to touch the corpse. Oh my God! He wondered if the neighbours had heard her when she called to him. But he doubted it. It hadn’t been that much of a shout. He drew out her legs. Her head fell to the floor with a dull, lifeless thud. From her mouth trickled a thin line of blood. He stiffened. His penis stiffened.

He touched her lips, using his thumb to paint the blood on her lips. He got harder. He caught sight of the Cadbury wrapper, there was some chocolate still left in it. He took out the chocolate, it had gotten mashed up and coated his fingers nicely. He smeared some of it on her vagina. Peter smiled. Then he got naked.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

I can’t go on abeg..

Raw material..
Raw material..

Disclaimer

  • I love Cadbury’s Dairy milk
  • These events are not based on any real events, however close they may seem
  • I am not a violent man, nor ehm..lover. (¬_¬)

I hate abusive relationships. If you’re in one, GTFO of it!!! You will die.

GTFO = Get The Fuck Out. [I have no idea why I didn’t put that earlier]

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Peace to Nigeria.

Midnight Dance

Moonlight bathed the hidden grove in a swathe of silvery light. The rays from the Night’s Candle sifted through the branches of the tall forbidding trees to reflect off the fallen leaves on the forest floor, bathing the surrounding in a sort of eerie glow. It was fitting. For the events that were to occur that night were unlike any before, but the final participants of these actions were as yet unaware. In fact, they were very unaware of anything else at that moment. Anything asides, of course, their own bodies.

The figures writhed in mindless ecstasy, their bodies merged as one as their muscles thrashed and twisted searching for higher plateaus of pleasure. The man grabbed her waist and pulled her even closer, burying his face in her bosom while his pelvis rocked back and forth violently, seeking to immerse himself as deeply as possible. The acolyte girl murmured in a curious mix of pleasure and pain, her sounds muted, yet loud, as she threw her head back and surrendered to the endless savaging.

Around them, watching on wooden stools made of the strongest iroko, sat quiet men, whose faces bore lines of wisdom and age, and whose eyes shone in fevered excitement. All except one. They were twelve in number and he was the true reason why they were all gathered for this ceremony.

Clouds gathered and the grove slowly became darker. The bodies continued to move, naked black skin pounding against black flesh. The sounds were unmistakable and with the old men who sat watching in languid silence, there was more than one with a slight stirring of the groin.

The spirits should not be trifled with.

The Otumokpo, he was the one whose countenance did not shift, brought out a tiny drum from the folds of his George robes and began to beat a soft cadence. The leather skin of the sekere drum vibrated with the tension and the ancient beads woven around it shook with a strange intensity. A slight breeze picked up, shaking up the leaves and whipping around the ankles of the old men as the ancient rhythm of the ritual chant rolled with each strike of the sekere. As one the old men tightened their wrappers around their body to ward off the chill, their gazes fixed on the ritual before them.

The girl had begun to moan. A soft sound at first but gradually rising in intensity. The man grunted, his entire being pulsating with an excitement and a desire he knew was not his own.
“It has begun,” hissed the Otumokpo in a voice that could not be heard.

The forest is old. The leaves remain green and the black sands are soaked in the blood of the spirits.
The land is old. The air is pure and the winds are thick with the words of the ancestors.

Whatever it was in the green liquid he had sipped from the black calabash beneath the coconut tree at the home of the Changa Priestess, it has taken possession of his body. All these the man thought while he watched his body tear away at the acolyte whose screams has taken on an infernal snarl. The winds whipped up in intensity and lightening flashed.

INCANTATION
Seven rings of Odumu, the nine dogs who roam the land, the yards of black cloth would never be sewn, and to the magic, new souls we bind.

The gods are never mocked

A shriek arose from the mouth of the acolyte and she pointed to the sky and screamed. A shrill scream it was, piercing and loud. The bats in the trees took off in fright and the owl of Sambiana, that does not make a sound, hooted in surprise. A figure leapt from the tops of the trees. The old men scattered, each tripping over his stool in his haste to escape.
Half monkey, half beast, the figure tore at each man with amazing speed, severing his limbs from his body till the blood flowed red and the forest floor was soaked in the life of the sacrifices. Eleven sacrifices. The Otumokpo remained, his fingers still caressing the sekere drum, the rhythm of the chant constant as the beast turned to circle the man and the acolyte.

Lightening flashes and for a second, the grove was lit. The bodies of the eleven lay strewn about in a rough semi-circle and circling the Otumokpo, the man and the acolyte was a fearsome beast, with eyes as black as night and teeth that glistened red. It was like a black dog but with the tail of a cat and the limbs of a monkey.
The Garinja. Messenger of the Spirits. Harbinger of death. The dealer.

The man stared, his organ now as limp as the plantain when fried in too much oil. The beast circled closer. The acolyte clutched at his arm, the pleasures of the past few moments all but vanished from their minds and their thoughts filled with nothing else except the pure terror that comes with certain death.
The old men, princes of the land. Patriachs of the purest bloodlines, now dead and bleeding all over their expensive ankara and George robes. Sacrifices.

The Otumokpo could remember how this all began. When the deaths started in the village, he had appeared before the council in his white robes and with his staff rattling.
“Four days! Four days!” he had cried in a shrill voice, and they had believed him. A young man and women to the sacrificed in the Somba forest, before the eyes of the Spirits and in the presence of the dark Ones. A representative of the eldest families to oversee the ritual. Eleven old men. The true sacrifices. Blood.

INCANTATION
Blood and air, of the baboon and the cry of the jackal, the seas rise and confuse the bufoon, the stars light the way, the kolanut is not shared but struck, the rocks path in a way and water is all.

The beast, the garinja, lets out a bloodcurdling yell and rushes for the man and the acolyte. His speed is a blur, as fast as a thought, but in seconds it is over. The garinja is on the floor, torn in pieces and the Otumokpo stares in wonder, his fingers frozen above the sekere.

But Man is higher that the Forces and his actions shape the world.

The smell of blood is in the air and the sacred grove is fouled by the stench of it. The Otumokpo adds to that stench when his bowels give way as the man turns towards him.
“No, no..” he murmurs. It was not supposed to be this way.
It is over in seconds and the sekere drum is buried deep within the chest of the old priest. The Otumokpo is dead and as his heart gives way, its last tremors ignite a slight percussion and stir the beads of the sekere.

The clouds part and the rain begins to fall in fat drops of warm wetness. Only the acolyte remains, naked and trembling among the leaves of the forest floor. Her black skin is spotted with splotches of the Otumokpo’s blood as he was killed. Her full breasts heave up and down in fright as the rain falls upon them, and her dark nipples stay taut with the excitement of danger and the scent of death.
The man stares at her, his black eyes now flecked with red slashes. They rove around her body, taking in every line and every mound. His organ hardens quickly and he advances.

DISCLAIMER
*The titles, places, incantations and whatnot are not real oh..and regrettably a mere figment of this writer’s warped imagination.
*I do not dabble in the juju oh! Though I have a fetish for the fetish.. -___-

NOTE
Would use this medium to appreciate all those who helped out with celebrating my birthday last week. Promise, Sunshine, Jerry, Jazzy, Lambert, Ebere, Nolly, Eric, Ujente, Obire, Ikenna, Blehbleh, Justice, Chadni, King, Tchyoma, Onyeka, Motunrayo, Vincent, Explosive and the rest of you too numerous to mention. Really amazed I could pull off that crowd in six short months. Thank you..

Follow on Twitter @Janus_aneni

Peace.

A weed story..

Truth be told, I don’t recall exactly how it started.
If I think back though, it was that day at Femi’s birthday. You see, Femi has been my closest friend since we were kids in secondary school. Seat mate, best friend, wingman, refuge – when having to hide in his locker from seniors, etc. You see, our school was a boarding school and Femi’s locker was large enough to handle an El Classico match with the fans and overhead blimp.
NB: A blimp is that balloon-like air-ship hanging above stadia (plural for stadium) which is used to video the match.
Have never noted a blimp being used to video El Classico before, but who knows?
Ehen, have you guys heard this joke?

Q: Why is a stadium always so cool?
A: Because there are so many fans!

Hahahahaha! Funny right? Right? Yes? Okay.

Anyway, I and Femi were really tight(no homo), you know, friend-that-sticketh-closer-than-a-brother, that kind of thing. Though in Femi’s case, that wasn’t optional. He was an only child.

So, that day at his birthday party, which I practically threw him, being my guy and all, I perceived marijuana smoke for the very first time.
I was in 300L, College of Medicine, University of Benin and I had never seen, not to talk of percieved marijuana in my life! It is shameful! I would feel worse if, Femi who was in Faculty of Engineering, that den within which marijuana is planted, grown, cultivated, revered and worshipped by both lecturers
and students alike, knew what marijuana looked like.

Well, he didn’t. Until that day.

There is something about the scent of marijuana.
As the gray smoke courses into your nostrils, your senses are pervaded by different sensations at the same time. Especially if it’s the first time you perceive it. First, there is the sensation of sweetness. It has this sickly sweet smell, like half-rotted pineapples or a mildly suppurating sore, that just drags your attention and orders you to take a deeper breath.
NB: Suppurating sore —-» Basically means a wound with pus streaming out. Eg: The Candida-stricken female had a suppurating sore between her…okay ewwwww!
Moving on!
Secondly, you feel hunger! There is an urge to extreme hunger when the marijuana hits the neurons of the palate behind your nostrils. You just wanna eat! With this feeling comes an urge to violence, a desperate need and finally and hint of danger, and then fear.
Okay, truth be told, I can’t really tell, but these were the feelings that assailed me that evening.
The marijuana smoke was curling out the mouth of one of our friends, a fellow medical student, though older colleague (500L) who we all knew was involved in some shady business. He leaned against the wall of the Ekosodin hostel, surrounded by five obviously stoned cronies and said, “Femi, show.”
So we both went.
When I think back, maybe I should have pretended I didn’t hear, os didn’t see him, or was busy doing something else. But no, I went forward.
“Nice party here,” he grinned, pointing at two bum-short clad females. “Join us drag small.”
It was no request.
He handed the blunt to us. We dragged.

Much else of the night remains a blur, but the next morning I woke up in another hostel in Ekosodin and I felt weird.
This is how the sensations came in.
First, there was a feeling of being cramped, like my hand was held down by something. Then I opened my eyes and stared straight into Brazil. Brazilian hair covered my face. That was when I realised I wasn’t in my room. I took a brief look around. It was obviously a girls room, and the girl lying on my arm was probably the owner.
That was when I felt the second sensation. I felt sticky and clamped down there. Y’know, down there! Then I realised I had obviously slept…in vivo.

NB: in vivo ——–» (latin) meaning inside/within Eg: The bushmeat lies in vivo the Ogbolo soup

The girl was one of the bum-short girls from earlier. It was 10:52:21 AM and so, I woodened and she woke up smiling. I then went in vitro, and in vivo again. Let us just say, I had a very wonderful after party.
But that is not the issue.

In the days that were to come, I participated a little more frequently in the marijuana parties. But I had nothing on Femi. Femi was moving ahead ahead! With speed! Literally. In mere weeks, he was on speed, crack, code and SK. It was too fast. I tried to talk him to slow down, I did everything I could, but he’ll always say he was fine. That semester, Femi who is usually a very good B student, had perfect A scores and was congratulated by the Dean even.
“You see, it’s working for me bro,” he said.
I was afraid.
But in my own studies too, life had gotten a lot more colourful, MBBS was a blast, after all, in Anatomy class, the cadavers had gotten into the habit of smiling and talking with me. But I was doing better in school and more bum-short girls were strolling my way. All was well.
All was very well..
Until I came home one day and met Femi crying. He’s my roommate you know. Oh you do? Okay. Femi was crying. It was confusing. At first I thought his father or mother had died, so I dropped my bag, sat down and started crying too. I cried for so long, Femi came and started telling me sorry.
“It’s alright bro. It’s alright.”
“Why??” I wailed. “Why???”

NB: I had just smoked hale a blunt of SK before coming home. There is this place at the back of Medical complex that’s just…*sigh*…perfect.

Femi petted me, then he asked, “Why are you crying?”
“Because you were crying na,” I sobbed.
“It’s alright,” he said, seeing nothing wrong with my admission.
It was a very homo moment for us. But we were happy.
:p

Then he told me. He was crying because he did not have money to buy SK. He wanted SK and some speed because, he had a test the next day and he needed to read.
So I stepped out to the ATM, on the way I called my guy. He met me at Staff Quarters and gave me the packets.
This wasn’t the only time.
Femi kept on crashing, and begging and crying, till I refused to borrow him any more money. His parents too started to wonder; when did K. A. Stroud start selling for N22,000?!! This was when he went and ‘borrowed’ about 15kg of SK just before exams. It was worth about N115,000! I don’t know how he managed to convince them to give him on credit, but he did.
Femi smoked the entire pack at a stretch while I was performing in vivo operations in one of my bum-short girls’ house, and passed out. When I came home, I met my closest friend sprawled out comatose on the floor with saliva drooling out his mouth and his blood pressure dangerously low. I rushed him to the hospital where he’s been since last week. His parents came yesterday, and I haven’t smoked more than one blunt of marijuana since.
This afternoon though, some guys came over.
“Who be Femi for this compound?” They asked.
One mumu girl pointed at me. I hate that girl. One mumu goody-two-shoes no-more-a-virgin bitch, always preaching at us. Femi did the..in vivo thing with her once, and was so bored by it, he never answered her calls again.
She has hated us since.
“Who be Femi for this compound?’ Their leader asked.
She pointed at me.

He brought out a gun and shot me.
Two inches above the heart, but somehow the bullet nicked my pulmonary vessels. I could see the cordite and smoke issuing from my wound as I slumped slowly to the ground. My shirt was soaked crimson.
“Next time you go pay!” the men shouted before running away.
They are rushing me to the hospital now, but is is already too late. I wish I could tell them, but blood bubbles out my mouth each time I try to speak. And this idiot is telling me to save my strength and don’t talk. What do you know? My sooted lungs are drowned in blood already. If someone here has a ball-point pen, they should pierce it through my side into my lungs to give me air and drain the blood. But they don’t know..
I have taken a bullet for my friend. All because my name is also Femi..
Goodbye cruel world!
And to think it all began at Femi’s birthday party…

Disclaimer
*I have never, despite various temptations, and would never indulge in the partaking of hard drugs.
*This is not a true story.
*All knowledge of medical ish comes from my microbiology degree and well, numerous TV shows! Hehehe

That ‘Brazil’ reference was funny shey? Shey? I know. I’ve always wanted to be able to write something with ‘Goodbye cruel world!!’ Hehehehehe! See..2013 is a year of happy and glorious achievements!

Follow on Twitter @janus_aneni

NB: Still waiting for more entries for the position (hehehehehe) of my co-writer. Send e-mail with a sample of what you can do to christopher.aneni@yahoo.com

Peace.

NB: The Federal Ministry of Health warns that smokers are liable to die young. #TrueStory